by their schticks, ye shall know them...

Let me preface this post by proclaiming my overwhelming love for style and indeed, fashion; the following is really just a satirical look at an aspect of the mechanisms of fash industry. So no hard feelings, eh?? Sugar kisses in advance.

So, I was saying yesterday, I've uncovered the simple formulaic guideline—unspoken it is, so I imagine it must be infused through the vents of the biannual pre-fash weeks conference location¹—to which designers and fashion writers subscribe with respect to collections shown during fash weeks. Here are the main points:

~ If the designer is male, over 45 years old and from an older era or well-recognised fashion House, his work is allowed to be classy chic; and reviews are obliging, the odd flak thrown in for fun. Oh and of course, these designers are required to have at least 60-70 pieces in a single collection!! Examples: Oscar de la Renta, Armani, Valentino. I wonder what would happen if dearest Armani decided to showcase each of his lines... You do the math.

~ If the designer is male and in charge of a renowned, but recovering Fashion House; he is less than 45 years. His work is avant-garde (read half unwearable and/or almost unflattering for 95% of women, in the US at least.) However, the collections are highly praised. High fashion dept. stores love these works as well, I can imagine buyers à la Cruella de Vil demanding alterations to make them suitable for their clientele. Examples: Balenciaga, Alber Elbaz (both of whom I happen to love too!! Sad.)

~ If the designer is male and shows at LFW or Paris2, he is in his late 20's to 30's and his work is almost certainly drawn from questionable third century inspirations interpreted for today (read unwearable and quite possibly appalling in some cases.) Sometimes, there are, of course, design elements that lend a brilliance to the construction of these clothes, but that's just it!! They are clothes, not mechanical or flying objects!! They should exhibit neatly sewn seams and not cause the wearer to resemble an escapee from a mental institution that houses both humans and wild beests simultaneously. Now guess what... Reviews consider the designers geniuses??!! Examples: Gareth Pugh, Henry Holland, Martin Margiela. You know I can't stand ugly pics but, what baffles me is the audience sitting there "intensely" absorbing these... (pics to right)

~ If the designer is female, she almost certainly designs more wearable clothing, even prettier too. Slightly younger—not necessarily a requirement, however—female designers tend to express the avant-garde twist of their male counterparts in more whimsical accessories. Reviews are generally favorable, although there's also the need to dissect how the inspiration for the collection is actually manifested through the pieces. And Lord forbid you do not present a coherent collection!! Please hang your head low in shame!! Haha. Oh, somebody please save me!! Examples: Vivienne Westwood, Tracey Reese, Carolina Herrera, Donna Karen.


Aren't there way more male designers than there are female?!!




Truffles and sweet kisses.


Footnotes:
1. Okay, so evidence for these prefash week conference has not been confirmed, but I imagine that if they did take place, the location would not be announced until two hours before. It's all about exclusivity!! Darn it!!
2. I think the fawning over Brit and French young geniuses, ahem, stems back to the 17th/18th century when the French (according to popular belief) became the pioneers of "fashion design" as we know it today. Indeed, it was revolutionary, but under the rigid Ancien Regime, it took two more centuries to share the joy of what was then considered beautiful clothing. The English, a more relaxed people, were esteemed for the venerable standards of bespoke Savile Row tailors and were happy to propagate the fashionable culture; the French, of course, the self-appointed godfathers of fashion. And so it still applies in the Fash world. Don't you see how the French look down at every other people?? Haha. I think it's hilarious. Okay, I'm not ridiculing. Mlle Chanel was totally French!!